What is Anticipatory grief?

Caregivers and patients alike may exhibit grief reactions to a death, even if that death has not yet occurred. These are normal reactions to loss and may help you prepare for the emotional intensity of grief after the death has occurred. This is called anticipatory grief.

Anticipatory grief takes many forms, most often fears about actual or possible losses. These may include fears of:

• Living life without your loved one
• Breakdown of family structure
• A new beginning — taking a road not traveled
• Losing your social life
• Losing companionship
• Losing independence
• Losing control

What are the symptoms?

There are many symptoms of anticipatory grief, some of which are listed below. How many of these have you experienced since you became a caregiver or seriously ill?

• Tearfulness
• Constant changes in emotions
• Depression
• Emotional numbness
• Poor concentration
• Forgetfulness or poor memory
• Loneliness
• Denial
• Acceptance
• Fatigue

Making the Grief Journey Easier

When experiencing anticipatory grief, there are many ways to smooth the road you are traveling. Try some of these activities:

• Go for short walks whenever possible.
• Keep a journal.
• Plan for the future.
• Seek spiritual assistance, if needed.
• Talk to someone, such as a friend, family member, clergy, or Community Hospice psychosocial specialist or chaplain.
• Make changes only as needed, and put off major decisions when possible.
• Do the things you want to do now. Postpone chores that you can do later.
• Spend time with loved ones, friends and family.
• Seek help from your family, friends or a Community Hospice volunteer to arrange some time to spend doing things you enjoy.
• Call your physician if the physical symptoms of grief become overwhelming.
• Join a caregiver support group to assist you with overwhelming emotional needs.

Dealing with Grief: What You Can Do

These suggestions may help you in coming to terms with the death of a loved one:

• Don’t isolate. Try to stay involved and participate in activities with others. Ask for support if you need it.
• Don’t ruminate. Allow yourself time for pleasurable activities and thoughts.
• Adapt. Try to find new behaviors and ways of relating to other people that reflect your new circumstances.
• Don’t establish rules for yourself. There is no right way or wrong way to mourn.
• Take note of your progress. Be aware that you are moving forward, even if in small steps, and get help if you are not.
• Seek professional help if you need it.

The information on this website should be used only in a general sense to help you understand the grief process people typically undergo before and after death. It should not be used as a substitute for professional guidance or counseling.

The Griever’s Holiday Bill of Rights

• You have the right to say time out.
• You have the right to tell it like it is.
• You have the right to “bah humbug” days.
• You have the right to do things differently.
• You have the right to be where you want to be.
• You have the right to have some fun.
• You have the right to change directions in mid-stream.
• You have the right to do things at different times.
• You have the right to rest, peace and solitude.
• You have the right to do it all differently again next year.